I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
