I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
