Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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