the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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