I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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