WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
