I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
