okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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