he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
