He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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