also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
