I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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