Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
