I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
