My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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