i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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