weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
