dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
