Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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