is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize