i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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