she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
