if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
