I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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