its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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