A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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