Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
