Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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