Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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