my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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