i just wanna soil my oats bro
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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