Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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