He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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