toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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