I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
