dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
