You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
