i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
