I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
