Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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