ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
