do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just had sex on a roof
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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