you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
