ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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