I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
