ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize