I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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