watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
