dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
