I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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