She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
