I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize