just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
