I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
