A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
