His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Shame - the story of my life.
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