My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
