now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize