I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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