My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
