I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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