Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
