is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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